but mom, I'm not bigger yet.

So, I was telling someone about some of the classic things my daughter said on her birthday, and realized they weren't recorded for all of the world to read yet.

Tank was anxious for this birthday. I had told her that her preschool would start near her birthday, then preschool decided to start 2 weeks earlier than I anticipated. So, for 2 weeks, she asked just about every day if *today* was her birthday yet. So, you can imagine the joy and excitement when the big day actually came. She knew it was her birthday, however, when I asked her how old she was, she said 3. I said, no, its your birthday, so *now* how old are you. She insisted she was only 3. I asked why she thought she was still 3 if today was her birthday... her answer:

"well, Mom, I'm not bigger yet."

After further prompting throughout the day, she finally conceeded being 4 years old.

That night, my Mom wanted to take her out to buy her a new pair of shoes for her birthday. So, just us girls went out to the shoe store. We decided to measure her feet to get the right size. Turns out she was wearing shoes *2* sizes too small for her. Yikes! So, she tried on a shoe. My mom asked her if it was comfortable, yes, this shoe is comfortable. Um, ok, why don't you try walking around in it. ok... walk . . . walk. . . yup, its comfortable. So, we try on pair #2, also comfortable. Then comes pair #3. You should've seen the look on her face. Her eyes lit up as we tried them on. My mom asked if this pair was comfortable... the answer,

YUP! They're pink!!!

A very important criteria for being comfortable, is the color pink. :) She wore the shoes out the door. (I couldn't really justify putting on the shoes that were 2 sizes too small anyway.) However, the story goes on just a little further... We got home and it was near bedtime. She went upstairs, we said prayers, got on pj's and all that stuff. When we checked on her later, guess who was wearing her new shoes. Guess that pink really did make them comfortable.

Gotta love her! :)

Thoughts on friendship

I'm so bad with words. I'm not even sure where to begin. So, forgive me, and bear with me.

I don't make friends very easily. Its not that I don't want friends, I just have a hard time figuring out what to talk about. Silly as that sounds, it makes it hard to break down the invisible barriers that make me believe that "you" are the perfect Mom or have the cleanest house or are the best crafter or whatever my preconceived notions may be. Until I can see that someone is just as imperfect as I am, its hard to truly open up and trust that they won't reject something about me.

So, in my life I've typically had one good friend at any particular time. When I was very young, I was best friends with Tina. She was awesome. We had sleepovers, talked about EVERYTHING and went to KMart to buy slurpies and makeup. I even remember pooling our money together to buy some stuff called "hairlong" or something of the sort, so we could grow out our hair together. We talked everyday on the phone, sometimes for hours. Still not sure what we talked about.

When I went off to college, I had a hard time adjusting to being away from home. Everything seemed really hard up until I spent one night talking with Merrilee until 5am. We totally bonded over our frustration at the time, and were best friends from that time forward. We spent loads of time together, shopped together, scrapbooked together, even sang in church together. Somehow, with a friend, life away from home was easier. Merrilee and I were at each others weddings and for the birth of our first children. We were there for each other.

Here in Chicago, it was another "venting" session that bonded Teri and me. Our kids are close in age, so we decided to let them have a playdate. Since the kids didn't know each other really well yet, I decided to stay and chat while they played. Hours later, the beginnings of a really great friendship were founded. Once again, I had found someone I could totally be myself with. She knew that I sometimes yell at my kids, that my house is rarely clean, and that I get frustrated over little things much too often. And she liked me anyway. More than that, she was willing to go out of her way to help me when I needed it. She made me a better person, because then I wanted to go out of my way to help her too.

Now before you go judging and saying, "wow, she needs more friends", let me put in this disclaimer that this is BY FAR not all of my friends. :) I've had and still have a lot of people I would call very close friends. My point is that, I've been pondering friendship and what is has meant in my life. Here's the best part... I haven't talked to Tina in months. maybe even close to a year, but I know that I can call her and we would talk for hours just like no time had past. (hmm... I think I'll do that.) Merrilee and I sort of lost touch for a little while. I knew I could call her, but there was a time when we didn't for various reasons. What is cool now is that we've reconnected. We don't talk every day like we did in college, but we keep up with each other on our blogs, facebook, with email, and occasional phone calls. I've emailed her when I needed to vent, and she called when she couldn't take any more during a hard time. The foundation of the friendship makes us there for each other regardless of how often we see each other.

Ok, so all this is fine and dandy... right? but why the long blog? Well, Teri moved. When she found out late last year that she was going to move, I sort of mentally put a tally mark on the list of bad things that have happened to me lately. I was lucky enough to enjoy her company for a few more months before she made the big move and during that time, I made this grand realization. Sure I'll miss her (ok understatement, but you get it...), but really, having her as a friend has been such a huge blessing that even her moving away can't take that away. We are still the best of friends, and distance doesn't change that. I love you to pieces Teri, and I miss you already...


"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

Someone turned FOUR!

Monday was our little Tank's birthday. I really can't believe that she is four. Apparantly, neither can she. All day she kept telling me that she hadn't grown up yet so she was still 3. We invited some good friends over since it was a school holiday and we had a very informal party. Mostly just kids running around and playing and adults sitting and chit-chatting. Oh, and cake. :) In honor of my 3rd born, I'm going to do a tag... about her.


1. WAS THIS PREGNANCY PLANNED?
pretty much

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
yes

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
a little scared. I knew what I was getting into!

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?
Are you kidding? absolutely not!

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
26

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
pregnancy test at home

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
My husband

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?
yes! I don't really like surprises

9. DUE DATE?
March 2, 2005

10. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ?
February 16, 2005

11. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
Minimally through the first 3 months.

12. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
Hmm... I don't remember craving any particular thing with her.

13. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?
Everything. I was really irritable, but not for any particular reason. I was working and I really hated it when patients would make rude comments asking if this was my first, or my last child.

14. WHAT WAS YOUR CHILD'S SEX?
girl of course :)

15. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
Nope, I was thrilled to have 2 girls close in age.

16. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?
hmm... I have issues with weight and do not weigh myself. you'd have to ask my doctor.

17. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
yes, I had great co-workers who gave me a great shower. I also had one after she was born given by friends. Unfortunately, she was actually in the hospital during the shower.

18. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
I knew, did I mention I don't really like surprises?

19. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?
It was complicated by silly doctors. ha! They were sure I was going to go into preterm labor based on my history, so they were super careful. Of course, she was born at 38 weeks (the longest of any of my kids) so I had weekly doctor appointments (and exams) for like 6 weeks prior to having her. (side note, the same group of doctors wouldn't take me seriously when Twister was showing signs of coming at 32 weeks, go figure)

20. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Winfield, IL

21. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
A beautifully short 5 hours.

22. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
My husband

23. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
My husband, and the doctor. I'm not much for giving a show.

24. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
natural

25. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
Yes, though it wasn't nearly as effective as it should've been.

26. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
6 lb 12 oz

27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Ha ha ha! If you don't know, you're not learning it here. Sorry! How about a history of her nickname... her first nickname was "stinker". It would've stuck except I made the conscious decision that we had to change it. When she was about 2, we juggled between stinker, Tank, Letti and Lucky. I know Lucky is the nicest of the names, but Benson said Tank fit her better. And it did at the time. :) She still responds to all of them.

28. HOW OLD IS YOUR CHILD TODAY?
4 years old

Happy birthday Darling Tank!!



And for Aunt Kelli:

just for cuteness

Writers block

Sorry for being so darn boring lately! Life is a bit boring and frustrating, so rather than write about bad days, I seem to not write at all. Here's a bit of an update.

Benson is still job searching like crazy. I feel like we're in a sinking ship, but I am just trying to keep the faith that the Lord will save us. Even if we do get a little wet.

I've been working on my business. . . I have a couple of orders at the moment that I am trying to finish up. Most recently, I got an order for 200 favors for a ladies convention coming up in March. I was excited for that.

Goose is doing well in school for the most part. His teacher called me this week to say she is recommending him to be tested for the PACE (gifted) program. She said the only thing she thought might hold him back would be his handwriting. I agree. He hates to write, so testing doesn't always reflect his intelligence.

Sweetie is also doing well in school. In contrast to Goose, she has the most perfect beautiful handwriting I've ever seen from a kid. She likes to do art projects and make handmade cards and decorated notes for everyone she comes in contact with. I wonder where she gets that from. :)

Tank started preschool again today. She LOVES her preschool and is so glad to be out of the house for a while during the day. She is such a fun kid, and says things that keep us laughing. I can't believe she will be turning 4 this month!

Twister is growing tooooooo fast! He's started standing on his own. First crawling, then pulling to stand, now this! He has no respect for his mother who just wants him to stay a baby a little longer. *sigh* But he is DARN cute!

We're glad to be healthy again and hope to stay that way. We are struggling to get by, but, as my dad always says, the important things are going well. We have our love and each other. If only that would pay the mortgage, we'd be in good shape. At least it looks like our tax refund will get us through for a little while longer. I know we are not the only ones in this tight situation. I'm trying to remember all of you in my prayers too!